Welcome, Fear.

I believe a bad workout is better than no workout, and it got me considering whether bad posts would also be better than no posts. So many drafts, so many post-published deleted pieces. All of which incited on me a certain doubt in regard to quality.

Most of my posts come from those moments of dazzling enlightenment that inspire me to write smoothly and fluently - meditation. And because I tend to be so hard on myself, I have this urge to erase the ones that did not, by far, come from such place.

I keep asking myself why I do this. Why do I even write a blog ? So far, I earn nothing other than personal satisfaction, and isn't that enough? Perhaps I only enjoy the pieces written under a state of mental clarity, but that’s not true. I enjoy writing, anything. I want to be more insouciant with my content. After all, here is My space, creating by moi for moi - but somehow I was still afraid of not getting it right. Elizabeth Gilbert’s Big Magic, addresses a very clever point on fear: let it do its thing, create space for it, invite him to your journey, but do not (ever) let it drive your choices.

My fear of getting hurt again has prevented me from believing I was ever deserving of romantic love. Worse, it prevented me from ever letting someone love me again - or trust they actually did. I’ve always told myself, and others, I was not ready for a relationship, that I still had a lot to work on... which is true, but it will always be true. Self-love, self-respect, self-knowledge are not achievable aims - they are variables constantly being constructed over time.

So, the truth: I am sh*t scared. Best way to face fear: get on it.

Self-doubt will be there forevermore. And, although I'm still having an hard time trying to make it coexist with my confidence and willpower, things just started to get interesting.

Summing up, + cheap posts to come... :p

x.