2022

Was scrolling down my iPhone notes and found this text about 2022. I didn't change a thing, it was written over a year ago, and to be honest, it does not include the lessons and adventures of November and December - some of which I don't even know how to describe as of now. Many things have changed, but this was the POV at the time. Hope you enjoy reading it!

2022

What a big year… I left a healthy relationship for the sake of following my intuition. I spent two months crying the inexplicable phenomenon of not understanding why the hell couldn’t I feel like staying. My grandfather passed away nearly four months after dropping me off at the airport in January - still walking, still healthy. Got with a friend into some sort of forbidden non-exclusive fling, which on my behalf then progressed into two different non-exclusive flings with another person - named it: an experience in parallel. Some kind of ‘little sense all heart, little heart all sense’ experience; respectively. Met a kindred spirit (online) while in opposite parts of the world, who then became a good friend of mine and the co-host of our podcast, Something Like This! Hiked a lot. Moved a lot. Learned a tone. Booked a flight and an inter-rail ticket. Went off to Croatia by myself. Couch-surfed. Met a girl on a ferry to Italy - same vibe - and then again in Barcelona, a week after. Took the train from Italy to Switzerland, Switzerland to France, France to Spain. Had the most amazing time travelling by myself. Got to know wonderful people, some who let me stay at their houses, sleep in their beds, eat with their families - for the simple exchange of my sympathy. Gratitude. 

Closed another chapter in June. A ‘see you later, Sweden’. Went back to Portugal for three weeks. Spent one with my brother. Then off to England - before the solo escape. Took my ex on a triple date - with old buddies and their boyfriends, who I treasure a lot for letting me third-wheel ever since we met. Got confused. Figured that you get what you put into the world. Experienced that (at least) southern-European men fear for girls who travel solo (as to the ones I met) in a kind - almost paternal - way. Unfortunately, solo travel does not come in gender-neutral terms in most, if not all, parts of the world. Arrived at my mom’s arms just in time for the first of August. Three weeks went by, moved up and down Portuguese lands. Some Spanish in between. Been with dear ones who after all these years still feel like no time has gone by. Priceless.

Dealt with the past & held onto my present. Moved back to uni, into the cosiest house with the cosiest flatmates. How good is it to be around people whom you don’t need a social battery for? Heartwarming. Started my research for my dissertation which I am hoping will be my biggest baby this year and the thing that brings me the most challenging and enriching journey. Met the sweetest brown eyes, and my anxiety killed the flame straight away. Don’t we love short-lived bursts of joy? Irony. Had my ex say ‘You’re too complicated’ as if I was some kind of impenetrable vault Danny Ocean couldn’t crack. ‘And I admitted it’ (thanks for the quote, Julia Michaels). Have been working my ass off because I am stunned every time I open my bank accounts (all three of them). I wonder whether money will always be a problem - being a student and having a social life doesn’t seem to come in handy, but everyone seems to do it. Struggles. Hoping one day I’ll stop hassling. 'Brown eyes' is back. Wonder for how long. Turning.